Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Super Mom

This is the time of year I dread. It gets harder, not easier... and each year I think I am prepared, mentally, to handle it.
I told Mr. Smith that this year I'm going tanning once or twice this winter... maybe once a week. When I was younger, my doctor talked about that. Now, I bet the risks of skin cancer are not worth an attempt to 'brighten my day' but if I get desperate... you'll find me frying like a fish in one of those beds!
I've also gone 'gung-ho' on getting my house in order. Sounds silly, but I didn't realize how 'out-of-order' things were until I buckled down and got down to the nitty gritty. (Boy! "gung-ho", "buckle down", and "nitty gritty"... this outta be good.)
I have been criticized for sharing my struggles with depression. But I think that part of overcoming and dealing with my battles is being real. Call me crazy... oh wait people already do... but at least I'm true to myself.
A few weeks ago I was going through a tough time, I knew that I had to change some things in order to bring myself back up. That's when I busted out my 'list making skills' and made a plan. I figured that worst case... I was still depressed, but at least I'd be depressed sitting in a clean house!
I also realized that maybe I need to expect more from myself. Not be harder on myself, but live to higher expectations. I KNOW the things I can do, when I put my mind to it. I just need to be my own cheerleader! As much as I want the approval of others at times... I need to give myself that boost of approval.
So everyday I have been doing a list of chores. Deep cleaning, organizing, and realizing areas that need improvement, as well as awesome things I take for granted. Simplifying.
I told Mr. Smith last night... I can see how women have mental breakdowns, how they just snap! I've never been wound-tight. If anything... I'm always trying to wind myself up a little more. I tend to get down, and while my high's are scary... I sure get a lot done!
But those 'Super Mom's' who do it all... I can totally see hwo they could lose it! I've tried to be 100% in all areas. Cooking dinner every night... ready by 6pm. Cleaning like crazy... I've had every piece of clothing washed and put away every Monday for three weeks. Losing weight... I've recorded everything I put in my mouth. I've read with my kids each night and put them to bed early. FHE, food storage, clipping coupons, exercising, kids homework, volunteering at school, Christmas shopping, doing a few crafts, planning/hosting social events for friends and family... seriously!? And now I'm writing... blogging that is. I even baked bread last week, I can hardly believe it myself!
No I'm not being boastful... although I should. I have to record these three weeks because I can honestly say that I have NEVER kept up on my responsibilities like this... that's right, 11 years and NEVER have I done this well. Maybe a day or two... but his is a record for me. My schedule has been pretty empty, so I've had the time to get it all in. Next week we have dentist appts, VIP's and I'm going on a mini-vaca... so things will fall apart soon.
I told Mr. Smith that I can see how women eventually get overwhelmed and 'burn-out' doing ALL of that. Then I told him that I'm really looking forward to a 'girls weekend' next week. He kind of frowned and said "I thought you were going to say that you didn't want to leave us next weekend." HA! HA! No way dude! I gotta get out of here for a day or two. Then I'll come back rejuvenated, and ready to take it all on again!
I think it was the kick-in-the-pants I needed to get me out of my funk. I desperately needed it before the weather hit. Now I'm ready to go into hiding. Start reading again. And get nice and fat on hot chocolate!
So I have found a warm and safe place, gathered my nuts, and I'm ready to hunker down this winter. Hey... I've even grown extra fur... for warmth that is. In a week I could be sitting in a messy house and watching some trashy daytime show... but I'll have this moment to look back on.

1 comment:

gillman said...

i will come hibernate with you and your hot chocolate this winter!! :0) what is it about october that kicks that depression back into gear?? i was struggling with it too, but, I just had to have a little pep talk with my self!! :0) remember that poem"girl in a whirl"? that is totally what your post reminded me of. you were super mom/woman and then i was expecting you to drop dead!! LOL! anytime you need a friend give me a call, i would love to come and chat away a couple of hours!!