Everything's just peachy!

We had a lesson in church today about adversity. Actually... we had two lessons on adversity. Last week was also a lesson on adversity... hmmm, makes me a bit nervous, like we need to be getting ready for some serious trouble.
Anyway, our Sunday School lesson was intense. Not many people shared, and as comical as our teacher can be, it was quite a somber lesson. He, of course, talked a lot about the adversity the early saints went through and why the Lord gives trials.
So by the time our Relief Society lesson started, I had been festering a bit about my feelings.
As things were said, and experiences were shared, things were positive and everyone shared 'feel good' things about bringing each other food, blah, blah, blah.
So I raised my hand and made my 'Debbie Downer' comment. I just had heard enough fluffy stuff... people so "thankful" for their trials and what not. I was careful to say that I was "not discrediting the lesson, or things people have shared" but I know that there are things we are all going through. Big things, that we would never share in Relief Society. (Especially when we are all supposed to be happy and positive about everything we say and do) THOSE are the trails that we struggle with. That's adversity! The things we have a hard time getting through without being angry with the Lord, or feeling sorry for ourselves and having doubts and questioning our faith.
I said that maybe I'm not the only one who struggles just making it through the day sometimes, let alone thinking about serving others and seeing how we are growing from our experience.
I shared how I was SO angry with the Lord for a while, I didn't believe the church was true, or that God loved me. I can now look back and see all the things I learned from that difficult time, but I am NOT going to pretend that I went through all of that with an eternal perspective... singing songs of joy and happiness. It's easy to look back on something and see what I learned from it... it's not so easy to see those things while enduring pain.
I also shared a part of my Patriarchal Blessing, and how it tells me that I will go through trials, and enduring them will refine my soul. It says that I will have "the strength to be healed in times of illness, and courage to be comforted in times of sorrow"
For me, it is truly courage, that I need to have. In times of great sorrow and heartache... having the courage to be comforted is what I have a hard time remembering.
I know this is because the Lord knows how incredibly stubborn I am. How independent I am, not wanting to rely on or trust people. Especially if I am hurt or feel vulnerable.
The courage to be comforted for me means trusting in the Lord, and those around me. Having faith that the Lord does love me, and will never leave me.
(and by the end of my sch-peel... I shed some tears. I hate that!)

I got a phone call after church from the RS president. She wanted to thank me for my comment, to tell me that she understands that times can be difficult, and assure to me that the Lord loves me. I know I'm cynical, but it's funny to me. The Bishop called Mr. Smith into his office a couple weeks ago, and told him he was worried about me. So I know that the poor RS president has probably been told to take me on as a charity case. No doubt my comment made her worry even more.
Comments like that are not the 'Sunday School Answers' people want to hear. They don't make me look perfect, or help advance me in a race to become the next RS/YW/Primary President. I just can't sit there and pretend that a room full of women, including myself, have perfect lives. And even in our perfect lives, when there's a little bump in our road, we pretend that we handle things perfectly, with unwavering faith.
I'm not saying that those type of women don't exist, but it not the norm. How can we help each other if we have to uphold some 'wonder woman' status? I want to feel like I can bring a meal to someone whose going through a hard time, and offer more than just food... because I have actually struggled with hard times myslef! I know! SHOCKER!!
So I may now be seen as a greater charity case, I'm pretty sure we are ALL charity cases. Even if we deny it, and try and prove that we are just supposed to help others... because heaven-forbid we need help ourselves... we are all in need of genuine charity. I think that being honest with ourselves and others is the only way to truly build each other up. To live in a society where everyone's out to top each other, and prove perfection, we aren't doing anyone any favors. Especially when we serve, and complain about it. We have all done it and received it. An offer to help along with a complaint about having to do it. In my opinion, that's worse than no help at all. The last thing anyone wants it someone helping them who just turns around to talk bad about them, or gossip about why they seem to need more help than others.
We ALL have problems, some are better at hiding them, but we ALL have them. We ALL go through things that test our faith, and break us down to places we aren't sure we'll come back from. I'm not saying that Relief Society is a place to share personal trials, but being more realistic, less judgmental, offering genuine kindness, and accepting help... is a healthy goal. Although a lasagna from the 'Wonder Mom' is a nice gesture, a true feeling of sympathy or empathy will feed a soul.